mood:
music: none, sound of a printer
People don't know me like they think they do. I suppose this is my own fault. I do not allow people to see certian aspects of my personality, likely for fear of feeling vulnerable. I know that this is demaging to relationships, because people are left to assume things. Maybe that is why I have been pushing people away from me lately.
I have been told by at least three people that I am acting cold and distant. Left to imagine why I would be acting this way, I come up with only the above reasoning and the fact that I am on an anti-anxiety medication which is known to cause withdrawal. Also, most anti-depressents/anti-anxiety medications are known to cause what seems like a total lack of emotions. Bothersome, but yet comfortable at this point. It is better than feeling a rush of negitive emotions all of the time. It is better than feeling hopelessly useless and on the edge of insanity. I won't be on these forever.
It is maddening how thoughtless my friends can be. Jeff & Co. went out last night and didn't even bother to invite me. I had plans, but still, it is as if they never invite me out anymore. I think it is because the boys are all single now, and they like to do the "boy thing," but still, I have always been "one of the boys." It really hurts me to think that they don't think of me anymore. The excuse of, "I figured that you were with your boyfriend" doesn't cut it. They know that I am not that kind of girl..I don't spend all of my time with a boyfriend, ever. They don't realize how much it hurts when they don't invite me out.
zuh?