Today the car is in the shop. I had to get a ride into Portland from a friend. It is going to cost me close to $500 to fix it, so I just found out. I thougt it would be a lot more. I'm not complaining.

I am having such fat days lately. It is horrible, really. Also, I am very unhappy with some choices that I have made, and I am super angry at myself for being too weak to confront the people/issues that need dealing with.

I play dumb a lot. I think I do that in hopes of avoiding things....in hopes of being let off easy in some ways. I need to stop playing dumb. It is starting to come naturally.

I am just not happy. I feel stuck, trapped, and bored. I need to move. I cannot stay here marinating in my own desires for a better life. I know that I will come back here when it is time to buy a home, etc, but I think I need to live in a big city for a little while. I need something different and more cultured. I need to gorw mentally and emotionally. I need to surround myself with people who are interested in some of the same things I am interested in. I need to get away. I hope that certain someone understands.

If you really love someone, you would want to support them and be sure that they are happy. Right? If I do not do what I want to do with my life, I will resent both this person and myself. Sacrifices like that are just not healthy.

This is tearing me apart. I have to leave this state. I have to experience things. I know that he isn't into long distance relationships....and I will probably lose him.

This makes me unhappy.

last entry next entry