the man i met for the first time at fort williams was not at all like the boy i know now. the man i met was a confident, pleasant, intellegent, secure man. he seemed independant and strong. he made me feel beautiful and special. he was so funny, i would smile even at the thought of him. he seemed like he had his future planned out, and he just seemed like a big, tall ball of love.

things changed. which is normal, i suppose. but things changed so extremely...he changed. i know that everyone is on their "best behavior" when on a first date, but this is an extreme. it is as if this man has turned out to be a totally different person. one who has no self-confidence and not an ounce of security. it scares me, and makes me cry inside.

i am too scared to let him see how upset this makes me. i am afraid to cry in his presence or even let him know that i cry. i don't want to be vulnerable to him. i think he has the ability to really hurt me. sort of like he did with that little 'heart of ice' comment last night.

i do not appreciate someone telling me that they will be more understanding and less needy, and then turning around and stabbing me in the back when i am least expecting it. things like that are the things that make me stand at a distance and add bricks to that wall.

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