"if you could only know how much i love you. if you could close your eyes for a bit and feel what's inside of me. i don't have much in the area of talent or brains sometimes, but i have you. i like to feel this way; i like to close my eyes and think of you.

it's hard to wake up alone in the morning. it's hard to find a reason to do so, when i know tha tyou don't feel the way i do. i can close me eyes and outline the shape of your body. i can inhale your smell even when you aren't here. if i lick my lips, i'm bound to taste yours. when i shed happy tears, i feel you in my soul. sometimes i hate it, but today, it's okay.

i imagine my life without you, and i try to think of something else. they thought of that stops my heart. my eyes feel desperate.

i imagine myself with another man...one who loves me the way i love you. it angers me. it scares me. i will never feel like this again. not for him, not for anyone.

i try so hard to get over you, because my mind tells me that i need to. it tells me that i am wasting my energy. but my heart; my heart makes me stay. it gives me no choice. it answers all questions for me.

you know as well as i do...that when we look at each other, it's real. it scares you, i think. or at least i hope it is only fear holding you back. if i was imagining this, i'm sure you'd fill me in. you wouldn't let me poison myself like this.

it's not comfort. it's not stability. it's not laziness or greed.

if only you could feel it. you'd envelop it, too."

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