feeling much better now. i wish i could have stayed at work, but i just felt so crappy. i nearly crashed into anotehr car on my way home.

tonight i am not going to do much, in fear that i will feel terrible again tomorrow. so, instead, i'm going to get high, read, and go to bed early. well, i may go to nicks to watch a dvd or something, or he may come here. maybe.

i felt him a note in his shoe this morning when i left for work. i used to do that every morning when he lived here. it made him smile. i wonder if he smiled this morning. i know i did. i don't know why i did, but i did. i woke up smiling, kissed him on the cheek a few times, and walked to my car.

i think the smile came from deep inside me. my heart is smiling most of the time lately, so my face shows it. i'm not smiling because i woke up beside him, it's more likely because i woke up feeling at peace with myself.

i can't really explain it.

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