I think Paul is very upset with me. And I must admit, this is terrible. I care about him immensely as a person, but I cannot deal with the drama that comes along with he and I being close. Unfortunately, sometimes things work that way.

I am not blaming him, I know that it is the fault of both of us. We ruined whatever we had by taking things out on one another, and the baggage we both carried got to be too heavy. I also think that the difference in age with is us something that hurt us. I hope he understands this.

I know had a hard time excepting the truth regarding our "relationship". It took me months to realize that we were doing nothing but hurting each other by continuing to try to work something out. We both know that we aren't meant for each other. I only hope that someday we can be friends, after the fire within him goes out.

I am not the girl he needs, and I think he knows this. I am too selfish at this point in my life to be someone's 24/7 kinda girl. I'm just not like that. Honestly, I'm not sure I even want to be that kind of girl. To me, love doesn't mean smothering, love is much stronger and independant than that. Sure, I feel that love completes a person, but it doesn't make the person. I fear that he and I differ there.

I hope that doesn't make me sound cold. I am far from cold. The people who know me know this. And trust me enough to know that I am not capable of hurting someone purposely. I never razed that wall for him.

Since he is not talking to me, I just need to say this(in case he reads this journal still?):

Being in love should bring out the best in a person, not the worst. Sorry.

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