mood:
i deal with euthanasia every day. i've come to believe that i am sort of "used" to it now, because i hardly ever cry when an animal is put down. but sometimes, i cry. like tonight.
dozer was a 10-year old southern bluetip pittbull. he was handsome as anything, and i think he had a doggie crush on me. he followed me around like i was his best friend. he was in a lot of pain, but his tail wagged the entire time he was at the clinic (a short 45 minutes).
his owner, or "dad" as we like to call him, sat by his side as he laid on the wool blanket with his head between his front paws. his tial was still wagging, but his body was failing. he had a grapefruit-sized tumor in his abdoman. he was looking around at his dad, alicia, ed, and i, as we drew up the euthanasia solution. he seemed to be ready for this...his closed his eyes as the needle was put into the skin of his lanky back leg. his owner wiped his wet eyes incessantly, while ed gave the dog some loving pats. he opened his eyes and kept a solid stare on me. i smiled at him. do dogs recognize a smile? i don't know, but he kept looking at me, until his heart stopped and he let out 3 loud last breathes.
i left the room. i can't stay in the room any longer than that. i do not want to see pets being bodybagged. i like to remember them in a more respectful light. i don't know if that makes sense, but that's how i see it. i want to remember his sad eyes and waggy tail. not him being carried away in plastic.
he was so handsome and sweet. now he can chase the big cat in the sky?
dozer