i'm just not good at this emotion thing. i think i have been changed by the whole situation with nick. a few years ago, i tried to teach myself to hide my feelings in order to prevent dramatic confrontations. it worked, and i regret it. not only did things go sour with nick, but i am having a hard time reminding myself that it is okay to feel things and share these feelings with those involved. it sounds so simplistic and naive, but you'd be amazed just how complicated all of this is. i wish i'd just been myself and never changed myself in order to salvage whatever it was that nick and i may have had between us.

worst of all, i am starting to resent him for pressuring me to change so much about myself, even though i know i am the one who is in control of these decisions.

i've definately learned fromt his experience. i'm going to do all i can to raze those walls.

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