i can't seem to function in chaos and clutter. my apartment needs to be in order 99% of the time. for example, i cannot read a book on my sofa with the coffee table a mess, nor can i cook a dinner with a sink full of dishes staring up me.

sometimes that makes me feel as if i am neurotic. then i listen to some of my intellectual and spiritual friends; they feel the same way. this soothes me slightly, cuts back on those paranoid feelings. (wow, i admitted the paranoia.)

i never really cared much about what people thought of me up until now, and i'm still not sure that i do. however, i do know that i don't want the people i care about to define me as the "neurotic friend who lives alone with 3 cats and a pink-jelly vibrator."

meow.

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