mood:
music: dashboard confessional
my head is spinning as usual. i have too many thoughts and too many desires. i feel broken in some way, but i can't figure out what's broken.
"friends" aren't supposed to treat each other like nick treats me. he is just so distant and cold. if i was strong like i seem to think i am, i would wave bye-bye to him and move the fuck on. but i don't. and i can't seem to. well, this is all going to change. i so don't deserve this shit.
"but all i want is not to need you now."
-turpintine chaser
hrmm well....
last night i was watching "get on the bus." i got all stoned and shit, again. (that needs to stop). i was thinking about my emotional dysfunction...i am co-dependant big time. the fact that i am working to change it is great, but now that i have these emotions towards paul, i fear that this thing will ruin everything. if not now, at least in the future. whatwhaaaaaaat? did i just admit that? arghhhhh
music:limbeck
no more games, pah-leeeease. i can't take any more BS and fake shit. i don't knwo if i can take such deceit ever again.
i want something real, something divine. i want something lasting, and comfortable and respectful. i want something tangible, and straight-forward. i want something truthful & clear. mind games will break me. i just can't take it ever again.
i want to trust someone.
playing hookey