fuck it, i say. i give up, i give in. i am going to do what my heart and tummy tell me to do from now on; fuck what my brain says. i am bored and lonely and miserable, by my own choosing. i have love sitting right in front of me, and i push it away. i am scared of it, and only i know why.

i cannot sit here, feeling so depressed, reading these journals of these people whom he interacted and crushed with...it disturbs me to the bone. why? i have no idea.

i feel like vomiting...i feel like getting into my car, driving to his house, and lie in his arms for hours. i can't stand this feeling inside of me...so cautious...so scared...so wanting to be alone for some reason?

i am such a mess.

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