right now, i'm worrying about all of this. i wonder what i've gotten myself into. i'm wondering what i will do, and how much you can take. i think and rethink. often, i wish i was beside you in your bed, with my eyes closed. our silence and the city noise makes me tear a bit. i can see your heart beating in your chest, and feel you breath on the top of my head. that's why i put rest my head on you so often.

my skin feels swolen and hot. my eyes switch quickly, like they tend to do. i really need to leave this life i'm living. [or should i say transfer it.] i can't really cry; my mind doesn't allow it anymore. i wish i could, because it's happening inside. it's funny how these bead-filled capsules absorb me more then i absorb them.

i worry that the gap in years is something that will cause us trouble. and with this trouble will come that pain. not now, but in the future. it seems like that is part of my life's circle. you know....that circle. full circle.

boston has a sort of magic. i am almost nervous to experience it with you. i am afraid that it's obeah would bubble us, or at least me. i don't always see things clearly, i tend to see through rose-tinted glasses. feelings any more intense might cause my heart to burst.

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