so i wrote an email to my friend nick.

preface: he and i were once an item. we broke up two years ago. we have been trying to be friends, and honestly, have become quite close, in a plutonic sort of way. we [supposedly] care a lot for one another, and have shared a lot of up's + down's. things have been going well between us until recently, when he began ditching me and treating me like i hardly exist. so, finally, i just sat down and typed all of my feelings on the situation into this one email. i sent it already, but now i wonder if it was weird of me. i don't think it was, but ehh...i want your opinion:

to: [email protected]

from: [email protected]

subject: here's the scoop, poop.

alright...

i am a little hurt. it is july 12th and again this summer has become a tiem where you seem to have no interest in doing fun thing with me. we spoke of camping and stuff like that, but as usual, no plans get made and your free time is spent downtown old orchard beach with anyone but me.

i'm not jealous in the least bit, just hurt that you have no desire to hang out with me unless there is nothing else going on. this is not only hurtful to me, but it is just degrading.

you break plans with me 80% of the time, and you never invite me to go anywhere with you. the only time we end up hanging out is in groups where i am invited by other people in the group.

i feel like you use me sometimes, and i feel like you take me for granted. i also feel like you lie to me a little bit, and that breaks my heart. and the thing is, you don't even correct me if i am wrong in assuming these things. i would think you'd have the consideration to at least put my mind + heart at ease and tell me that you infact DON'T disregard my feelings and that you do actually care about me + my feelings.

i am not starting an argument, i am merely stating my feelings so that you might be able to open your eyes and realize just how crappy your lack of interest in hanging out with me actually tears me apart.

i thought things were going wonderfully with us and that our friendship/relationship was on the upside. i felt as if we were very honest and cool with one another, and that this summer would in fact be an enjoyable one between us. i really believed you when you said that you wanted to do things with me and include me in some summer festivities once the warm months came.

i feel stupid and sort of played. i feel like i am someone that you are ashamed of being involved with and i feel that you have a bit of a secret lifebeyond time spent with me.

i am not saying that i expect to know everything about your life, even though it might sound that way. i hope you are mature enough to realize that i have grown up a lot in that area and am not controlling and nosey. i just like you and it's nice to be able to talk and share life's events with each other. i assumed that was part of what an adult relationship entailed. again, correct me if i'm wrong.

if a once and a while friendship is something that you would prefer to have with me, please tell me and i will refrain from considering us close.

again: i am not arguing nor am i giving you shit. i believe that you need to read this and knwo how i feel, and you deserve to be confronted in regards to the way you treat me. i am not deserving of poor treatment because i do nothing to warrent being ignored and forgotten, unless of course you consider my caring about you a crime.

i know that you work a lot. i know that you work three jobs and that you are tired at night. i know that you enjoy hanging out with all of your other friends. but i also thought i "knew" that you enjoyed my company and cared about me enought o want to share some of you free time with me.

the fact that you ditch me so often is one thing, but the fact that you feel the need to avoid me or not make plans with me until you find out that nothing else is going on...well that is just rude.

i finally have respect for myself again and KNOW that i am deserving of that respect from you as well. i refuse to allow anyone to walk all over me or make me look like a fool. please stop putting me in this position. it is terribly painful and frankly, it makes me want to reconsider any and all ties to you.

it just hurts me a lot to think that you can't even consider my feelings. it hurts even more to think that you very likely won't even read this + there is an even better chance that you won't even reply.

please reply. not just "sorry, i'm busy." please take a minute and put my heart + head at ease and tell me what i mean to you? it would mean a lot to me.

always,

amy

ps: i am sorry if this letter makes you feel pressured or stressed. it's not my fault that this had to be written. you know?

thx.

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