i'm a bit depressed today. the weather was fabulous, yet i feel bored and gloomy. i'm lonely, you could say, and it's my own fault.

let's just say that i'm going 'it' again; i'm pushing away a dating opportunity with a man whom i want to spend time with. masochistic, hmm?

i did this a few years ago before nick and i got back together. i sabotaged my own relationship with josh, then again with paul. both guys treated me wonderfully (for the most part) and i talked myself into prematurely ending things with each of them for one reason or another. i was happy and couldn't handle it. i must admit that i have felt regrets, but i won't get into the specifics.

so here i am again, sitting right in front of the chance to get to know an interesting, adorable man who i have such an attaction to and so much in common with. smart!

it's 6:11 pm and the sun is still shining into my windows and i sit here dizzy and ___________. you fill in the blank.

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