sometimes i worry about nick. i know he tells me not to worry, but i do nonetheless. i know that he works hard, but he plays even harder. i can't help but worry that his drinking will hurt in somehow in the long run.

i think most of what bothers me is the fact that he is that happy, laid back nick when he is drinking. last night, when i stopped at his house [after he'd been drinking since noon with eric] he was bubbley and talkative. he's never like that normally. he is so often sad and silent. it usually takes me poking and teasing him to get a small smile out of him. but, when full of beer, he is the one poking and teasing me.

i guess i am only stating the obvious here; i know that alcohol can do this to people. it's not like i live in a box, guarded from the reality of drinking problems. i suppose i only try to convince myself that he is just having a good time...being 22...enjoying these years, etc. but something inside tells me otherwise. and the past's detail tells me otherwise.

i just worry. he doesn't deserve to be so upset. but he's a big boy. he'll figure things out.

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