what am i supposed to do with these feelings? how am i supposed to get rid of the love i feel for him? what am i supposed to do when i start to cry when i realize that my dreams of sharing my life with him aren't going to come true? why does everything remind me of these facts?

i just wanted to talk to him at the end of each day, and share experiences with him. i want to hold him at night, and kiss him on the cheek in the morning. what am i supposed to do with all of these feelings? get him out of my life completely? ignore him? forget him? find someone else to take my mind off of him? that is so lame, i know, but what if that is all that works?

i just want to find myself again and be with nick, ne the one he thinks of when he thinks of love. i want little things to remind him of me again, and i want to make him smile like i used to. i want him to look forward to seeing me. why can't i just lose the jealousy thing and be the strong, smart woman i am inside? it's like it's a curse.

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