dude matty pisses me off.

he is a good friend most of the time, but sometimes he just hurts me with his attitude and mouthiness. i know i shouldn't take that shit personal, but i do.

he is the only person i really tell EVERYTHING to. and i mean everything. he knows all of my soap-operaesque details of my love life, my personal life, my work life, family life, everything. and then sometimes he is all fucking asslike to me...saying shit like, "i know you are fucking nick, because you aren't getting any from josh." well, he said this a while ago, but nonetheless, it was never true. i resent nick for so much, and i'm wasn't going to cheat on josh. if i wanted to be with nick, i could have. but i didn't.

matt shouldn't doubt my word. doubting my word is like doubting my friendship with him, and that's shite. if i was fucking nick, matt would be the first to know. he always is the first to know everything in my life, really. he is the first one i told about the rape, the one i told first when i decided to end things with josh, the one who i called when nick pushed me, the first person i confided in when i was feeling suicidal and having anxiety attacks.

i wish he would stop being weird and acting |jealous| even when it comes to my dating. can't he see how much i trust him? i don't hide shit from him. he even knows more than jeff & tina, and i've been friends with them for 12 & 18 years. sweet jesus.

i think he may resent me a bit for opening my mouth and telling josh when we first starting dating, that matt and i had sex. obviously that messed things up with beth, and i think he just tries to lay the blame on me. *i* wasn't the one cheating, ya see. i just had to be upfront with josh, excuuuuuuuuse me.

anyway, who knows. i just won't tell him anything else like that. he keeps asking about paul, but im all hush-hush about it. it's nobody's business but mine and paul's actually. (well, of course my emoporners know..doh)

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