mood: sleepy. sick. congested.
he was right when he wrote of a relationships key ingredient being trust. that is perfectly true and perfectly scarey. allowing yourself to trust another human being fully is fear-inducing and can even bring up painful feelings from the past.
sometimes when i am with him, i am reminded of times with someone in my past. and despite the fact that these feelings are those of attraction and love, they terrify me through and through. i've given all of myself once before, and still sometimes feel the after effects. [normal, i know. i'm just thinking out loud.]
often i think of is the seemingly natural progression of all [2] of the serious relationships i've taken part in:
[note: both exboyfriends have been at least 2 years younger than me.]
1. wonderful beginnings. smiles, trust, mutual desire to be together as much as possible.
2. we fall in 'love.'
3. two or more years go by. suddenly, said guy realizes that, despite his love for me, he needs to experience other things. he is, after all, a bit younger than i.
4. i feel foolish for not thinking about this before. i blame myself for all of the pain i am feeling.
i have made a huge "NOTE TO SELF," if you will...in permanant marker...right behind my eyelids.
nyquil is my friend.